Co-dependency vs God dependency

 I spent all day in bed after seeking answers from the only One who can.......give them to me........Jesus!

I had a conversation with a friend today about co-dependency, i wrote on it to her & we emailed back & forth, then another friend texted to tell me that the email I had also shared with her had blessed her:  I thought maybe I should blog on it, so here it is!
It seems I want to get out of writing..............but it looks as if I should continue. ..........I love you all, I hope this blesses you & it helps you start to get your personal inventory going: make a list of people who have hurt you, be specific name & incident, make another list this time with what you have done to others that hurt them.......at the end of the blog you will find the prayers to do so......hope you start today, so that God can start to clean up His house/your heart! as He has been doing mine, I hope you are a quick learner, I must admit...........I have been slow but I am catching up to Him, trying anyhow.......

What is Co-dependency, what does it look like?
Co dependency: the desire to control or a need to be controlled

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are: without our sweet Jesus, we would all have to own the entire list but thanks be to Him that He is trying to remove all those from our lives, but as some of us are struggling  let's take a good look at the list, with the purpose of using it as a tool to help us identify possible areas of sin.

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others/or controlling others through behaviors such as: withholding, rejecting, etc.
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications
• Difficulty making decisions

As God continues to show us that He wants to free us: here is a list of things to consider & pray about THIS IS ONLY A SUGGESTION, I am doing this today, actually I spent the entire day in my bed taking personal inventory.
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?

3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?

4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?

5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?

6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?

7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?

8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?

9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?

10. Have you ever felt inadequate?

11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?

13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?

14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?

15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?

16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?

17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?

18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?

19. Do you have trouble asking for help?

20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

Let's ask the Holy Spirit to take us DEEPER STILL...........

This is how psychologista treat co-dependency: Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. (my comments: bitter roots: controlling or withholding from others, out of control behaviors, hiding, gossip, comparing one self, slander, critical spirits) treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

Amazing: we have trusted the opinions of the world instead on having relied on God's Word; praise God for His mercies are new every day for us all.

Here is God's treatment for us:
Find the root (if we have a hard time finding the root, look for the fruit in our lives)
example: FRUIT:  we criticize others  ROOT: we don't feel we have any worth, as long as we speak of others, we won't have to take a look at our wounded hearts & actions, as long as we speak about others, maybe they won't notice how we are also hurting?

Identifying the ROOT: where it came from: maybe when we were little girls we were told that we were stupid, always made mistakes, etc.

Another example: FRUIT: thinking that people might not like us, wondering if people are talking about us? if they laugh & we are not part of the conversation & laughter maybe we think they might be talking about us. We become suspicious, we get mad, we reject them because we are afraid they are already rejecting us, so we pretend to reject them first just in case.........


ROOT: we might have been greatly rejected in our childhood, sometimes this rejection is something we have NEVER discussed with anyone, PLEASE find someone safe & share with them. Maybe we were abused, verbally, physically, sexually? 


Please ask God to show you, His truth in the situation if you are having trouble identifying the fruit or the root, He will show you, He wants to heal our broken hearts.

Here is what God says we do: (once we have identified the root)

We confess the sin, OUR sin = (sin by sin, name by name, one by one) we ask God to forgive us, we pin our sin onto the cross of Jesus, we plead His blood over our sin, we cancel all attacks from the enemy in Jesus name, we take back ALL power & authority our sin had given the enemy of our souls (our confessing closes the door to our accuser in this area) We ask the Holy Sprit to lead us in all TRUTH (asking if there might be more to confess) so we ask the Lord, to tell us His truth regarding this particular situation.

Here is a sample prayer: (you can change it or modify it as the Holy Spirit leads you)
 
Repentance Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I forgive me for (mention what you did that hurt others)(be specific),
I purpose & choose to forgive myself. In the name of Jesus I cancel all of satans authority over me in this sin. In Jesus name, I  take back all power & authority from him. I AM FORGIVEN! Holy Spirit, heal my heart & tell me your truth about this situation. Listen.........for the Holy Spirit ministering to you.

To confess the sins (wrongs) of others against us:

we confess to God the sin of the person (sin by sin, name by name, one by one)

we  forgive the person, pin their sin on the cross of Jesus, we plead the blood of Jesus; we take back all the power & authority from the devil (that our anger as a result of this persons' sin against us had also opened the door on our end) we place the cross of Jesus between this person & ourselves, we ask the Holy Spirit to lead us in all TRUTH (asking if there might be more to forgive) so we ask the Lord, to tell us His truth regarding this particular situation.

Forgiveness prayer: Heavenly Father, I purpose and choose to forgive (put person's name here) for (tell God exactly what the person did to you). I release (say the name of the person here) and cancel their debt to me; In the name of Jesus I cancel all of Satan's authority over me in this memory, because this sin has been forgiven. I take back all power & authority which my un-forgiveness had given the enemy in my life. Holy Spirit, heal my heart & tell me your Truth about this situation...............listen for the Holy Spirit to minister to you! 

Let's practice this from now on, whenever someone hurts us, lets be quick to confess & forgive..............when we hurt others, let's be quicker to repent, confess & ask the Lord to forgive us.........remember 

Matthew 7: 1-4 - Judging Others

 ¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

   ³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Light & Darkness, Sin & Forgiveness:

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Luke11: 9-13 - 

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ¹¹ “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for^[f] a fish, will give him a snake instead? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Prayer to our Heavenly Father:  Matthew Chapter 6 verses 9-15

 ⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

   “‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
   on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
   as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,^[a]
   but deliver us from the evil one.^[b]’

   ¹⁴ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Love you all!